Port Ann Wesleyan Youth Group for July 1, 2020: Dealing with the difficult

Welcome to our 15th weekly online Port Ann Wesleyan Youth Group lesson. We hope your summer is going well and welcome everyone to attend our weekly in-person youth group activities at the Port Ann Wesleyan Church along Troxelville Road west of the town of Penns Creek.

Our opening song this week:

Please continue to pray for the coronavirus pandemic and those impacted by it both directly and indirectly. Schools are struggling to prepare for the new year, and we know there is anxiety on many levels for teachers, students, parents and support workers. We ask God to work His will through all of this — that His bigger picture is served.

Please keep Sally Sheets and Pastor Paul in prayers as her medi-port is installed at Hershey Medical Center tomorrow (Thursday) and she begins an aggressive chemotherapy regimen starting a week from today. Please remember Stevan, Sherilyn, Jessica, Ella and Ezra Sheets, too, as they support Sally and Paul through all of this.

Within the church, Wanda Keister and Lucille Rothermel have been at the hospital through the early part of this week. Please pray for them and their families.

Also, please pray for our new group of youth leaders elected last week — that they find ways to glorify God through helping our youth group and that we all work toward God’s will and purpose for each of us.

Announcement-wise, our special youth camp program to be held at the Central PA Wesleyan Campground July 22-26 is fast approaching. If you/your youth is interested in attending, we need to know right away as final preparations are made.

We have all experienced people in our lives that drive us nuts. I know I have worked for several people in the past that really pushed my buttons at times, and there is a natural tendency to want to sever ties with such people — to blow up bridges and stay far away.

Unfortunately, that isn’t always easy. Maybe the person who we struggle with is in our class at school or works with us regularly. Maybe that person lives in the same house as us.

Depending on how toxic things have become, there may be a need for some separation or at least a time for cooling off, but as Christians, we are instructed to work through our issues the best we can with those who rub us the wrong way. Consider Jesus’ words considering how we should treat our “enemies” in Luke 6:27-36 (NIV):

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.
“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

There is a lot packed into those verses, including important instruction to pray for those who mistreat you. There may be no more powerful way to handle a difficult person and difficult situation than to share that need in prayer.

We also learn from that passage God’s reward for those who actively “love their enemies” — “your reward will be great and you will be the children of the Most High.” But this is also very hard to follow through on — if someone wrongs us, we instinctively want to protect ourselves from getting hurt again.

Beyond God’s reward for those who are kind to the ungrateful and wicked, there can be benefits from not burning bridges with people we may not particularly like. I know personally that there have been instances of people who once drove me nuts being a huge asset for me down the road — in many of those cases, it helped to better understand the other person.

One of the “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” a book by Stephen McCovey, is to “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” When dealing with another person, we rarely have the full puzzle of what they’ve endured in the past to make them the way they are — many times, their annoying qualities may be desperate pleas for attention, love or help.

For an object lesson, watch the following music video about a little girl up to the 2:00 mark. Then stop the video and scroll down.

The little girl in this story — she sure endures quite a bit, doesn’t she? Before watching any further, let’s consider how that abuse and tragic situation with her parents may affect her down the road. From counseling numerous struggling adolescents with their own heavy baggage at a group home years ago, Michelle and I saw some of the results of a tough early life.

Kids from abusive homes many times struggle later with control issues — mainly because they couldn’t control anything in their past, so they overcompensate when they get older. They dominate conversations because they grew up without a voice. They struggle to build meaningful relations with friends because they have only seen broken relationships and they don’t want to get burned by getting too close to anyone who may let them down.

How hard would it be to be a supportive friend to someone like this … especially if you didn’t know and appreciate his/her backstory? Someone like this may be yearning for the love and attention he/she never had before, and smothering you in the process while still keeping you at arm’s length as a defense mechanism.

Difficult people almost always have their backstories, and while they may not be as intense as the one shared in this song, they still can cause lasting scars and social awkwardness that we can find abrasive and hard to be around.

Gathering as many of the pieces of a difficult person’s puzzle can be a great start in finding ways to, as author and motivational speaker Jim Rohn shares in one of his books, turning something frustrating into something fascinating.

Then, when with this difficult person, we are to encourage in spite of our reservations. Consider the message from Ephesians 4:29 (NIV): “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

In other words, we should strive to “Speak Life” as Toby Mac suggests in the opening song. Our words are especially powerful or devastating to the difficult people in our lives — which can provide a ministry where we can demonstrate Jesus’ love as Jason Gray suggests in his song “With Every Act of Love.”

Speaking of Jesus — remember His words shared earlier in this post from the book of Luke on why we need to love our neighbors? Seventeen chapters later in the same book, Jesus practiced (as the saying goes) what He preached. Hanging from a cross while flanked by two convicted criminals, Jesus looks over a jeering crowd of people full of unjustified hate toward Him. They crucified Him, they spit on Him and they laughed at Him.

Among Jesus’ dying words included a prayer to God: “Father, forgive them, for they do no know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34).

What a powerful life lesson for all of us who deal regularly with difficult people in our lives.

This all being said, there are situations where levels of toxicity in a relationship can become dangerous, including if someone else’s negativity or untruths are impacting your own personal walk with God. If you are struggling with someone and need additional help via prayer or counsel, please reach out to Michelle (570-495-3740) or myself (570-847-2718).

Catch up with our previous lessons here:

June 24, 2020: Focused on fellowship

June 17, 2020: Savoring the Spirit

June 10, 2020: Tools of the trade

June 3, 2020: Beauty in the broken

May 20 & 27, 2020: Sowing seeds of salvation

May 13, 2020: Trash to treasure

May 6, 2020: Serving as samaritans

April 29, 2020: Adopted into the family

April 22, 2020: Living as lighthouses

April 15, 2020: Absorbing the truth

April 9, 2020: Preparation over procrastination