Welcome to this week’s online lesson for the Port Ann Wesleyan youth group. Check out previous lessons here.
We will kick things off with a new song, and a story. Late last week, I (John) had received notification early Friday that Casting Crowns would be releasing a new song later that day. I got tied up with work-related things and never got to check it out. On Saturday, we received the devastating news that Ashlynn Keister had passed away a few days after a freak accident at home. As I tried to digest the news, prayed for the family and took a few moments to scroll through YouTube, the new song from Casting Crowns, titled “Scars in Heaven” was sitting at the top of my feed.
It was as if the song was written for that specific moment in time. God provided, for me at least, the perfect outlet to grieve and a reminder of the hope we have in Him through this song. I truly feel bad for those who don’t know God (or refuse to accept His existence) by writing off such divine moments as “coincidence.” To me, there was no coincidence that God (through the Casting Crowns music ministry) provided this song at this time for me and others that are grieving right now.
Prayer needs, obviously, remain high for the Keister/Bowersox/Kuhns family. We attempt to rally around them via prayer and support as they come to terms with this shocking news and start to figure out the next steps. Please also be praying for the final funeral arrangements and for the service to speak to the hearts of those in attendance.
Pastor Paul and Sherilyn Sheets are home from their multi-week cross-country expedition. Meanwhile, two of our youth (Elena and Blake Walter) and their family are making final preparations to visit family in Hawaii in a few days. There are some others connected to our church that will be traveling in the coming days, including Brooke and Andy Shockey. Please keep them all in prayer.
Continue to pray for Jim Mulaney, who is working through a new cancer treatment regimen and his family as they provide support for him.
Lastly, please pray for upcoming camp ministry situations as final preparations are made. We have six youth definitely attending youth camp next month and are working on our family camp program.
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As I (John) attempted to process the news of Ashlynn’s death on Saturday, I was reminded of some pretty cool shared experiences we had while she was in our youth group. Ashlynn loved Christian music, so much so that she was usually the first one to sign up for any concert events we planned to attend, including Winter Jam each year.
In April of 2018, Newsboys were planning to come to the Bryce Jordan Center, and I was lucky enough to land an interview with drummer Duncan Phillips as part of a preview story that ran in The Daily Item newspaper. He and I had a great conversation, and in the process of that, he offered me four front-row tickets to the concert, including backstage passes to meet the band.
In addition to Paige and my niece, Allie, we decided to take Ashlynn because we knew how much she loved the group. It was an experience I’ll personally never forget as we interacted with the band — including getting the photo above — and it was a powerful opportunity to connect with Ashlynn, having a great conversation on the way home about a variety of important topics surrounding teens and faith.
Part of the grieving process includes celebrating these moments of life, happy moments and memories we can hold onto. Everyone handles loss differently, everyone grieves in his/her own way. That makes it difficult when we are the ones debating on how to best offer support to someone who is struggling with a huge loss.
Still, we, as Christians, are called to stand with those who are going through this process. Perhaps the most direct of many verses along these lines comes from Romans 12, where Paul is providing important advice on how Christians are to live their lives, and in this specific section, how we are to show love through action. A few examples:
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” — Romans 12:10 (NIV)
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” — Romans 12:12 (NIV)
“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” — Romans 12:13 (NIV)
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” — Romans 12:15 (NIV)
As blatantly obvious via these verses (especially the last one) that we are called to mourn with those who are mourning, there are few guidelines of how to mourn with someone who is at such an emotional crossroads. As I mentioned earlier, everyone grieves in his/her own way, and having real conversations on such a tough emotional level can be difficult.
Obviously, the Keister/Bowersox/Kuhns family is closely tied with our church. Every one of the children worked their way through our youth group, and three of them — Gordon, Jordon and Jacob — are still active with this ministry. We really need to be there for each of them as they navigate this uncertain, scary and emotional time. How do we do so respectfully and successfully? Here are some Christian-focused tips from Allen Parr on how to rally around those who are grieving:
Among his important points of discussion:
- Do not assume they need their space. In the midst of a tough loss, those we care about need to hear from us, even if they don’t express it. We don’t want to compound their pain of losing someone important to them by the people close to them not showing genuine concern in their time of extreme pain.
- Do not speak too much. As the bible directs in a variety of verses, including Ephesians 4:29, we should lift up others with our words, and especially let every word we speak be helpful according to the need of the moment. As is taught in James 1:19: “… be quick to listen and slow to speak …”
- Pray for them and, if they allow, with them. There is an extra level of comfort received when someone else takes the time to pray with you during a tough time, it is an intimate moment that can lead to at least a small portion of healing.
- They need our presence. Breaking down Romans 12:15 literally, there is a reason Paul tells us to mourn with those who mourn vs. mourning for those who mourn. The funeral is scheduled for 4 p.m. Friday (June 11) at our church, and we strongly encourage as many of our youth to attend and mourn with the family and especially the three current members of our youth who are grieving the loss of their sister.
- They need our practical support. Going back to the verses shared earlier from Romans 12, we should practice hospitality to those who are in need. This can be done by simply asking a family member what we can do to serve them during this time of loss. Jolene Keister is organizing meals for the family … if you’d like to help with that ministry, call her at 570-765-3091. You can also offer to take the person out to lunch or a movie or spending some other quality time with them, or send them a gift card or note of support.
- Finally, they need our patience. Don’t pass judgement on them. As is shared earlier via Romans 12:12, we are to be patient in affliction while being faithful in prayer. This concept is reinforced in Ephesians 4:2: “… be patient, bearing with one another in love …”
Again, everyone handles loss differently, everyone grieves in his/her own way. It is our job to rally around those who are grieving even if it is uncomfortable or difficult for us to do so. We should pray for God’s guidance in how to respond. If you need some help with this, or some suggestions on how to specifically help Gordon, Jordon, Jacob and the rest of their family, please reach out to us (John and Michelle) via email (zaktansky@gmail.com) or 570-847-2718.
We will close this week’s online lesson with a song that was one of Ashlynn’s favorites whenever we shared it in youth gatherings, “You are More” by Tenth Avenue North:
